Communication, Leadership Development, Personal Development, psychology

The courage to be disliked

This week I have been working on a Summary of ‘The courage to be disliked’ by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. This title immediately spoke to me since I definitely have ‘people pleaser’ tendencies and honestly quite rarely have the courage to be disliked.

I simply and utterly detest it if I sense that people do not like me. Especially if it is someone I am expected to work alongside, but strangely also if the disapproval comes from someone I don’t even like or someone I will most likely never see again (like a sales clerk in a shop or a cold caller on the phone).

Quite frankly, this tendency is hard to understand and explain, but I have not yet learned to overcome it.  So, when I saw this book, I was very curious to learn how I could find the courage to be disliked.

In the book, we learn that the desire to please others is a very natural tendency but, nonetheless, something we must overcome if we want to live happy lives.

Kishimi and Koga argue that people are mainly unhappy because they care far too much about obtaining recognition from others – be it a teacher, a parent, or society at large! Kishimi and Koga, however, claim that approval from others comes at too great a cost. See, by constantly chasing approval, people ultimately end up living other people’s lives. Instead of pursuing their own goals, they follow the expectations of others, sacrificing their own desires (and happiness) in the process.

Bottom line: external Approval Isn’t Worth Pursuing. Some people will inevitably dislike you. No matter what you do, there will be someone in the world who would rather you do it differently. The only way to attain sustainable happiness is to work up the courage to embrace this fact and free yourself to live what you believe to be a good life, no matter what other people think.

We hope you will enjoy our animated summary of the book; you can watch it here:

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